I need to shut the hell up. For some reason it really bothers me when I'm the most outspoken one in the room- I feel like I'm talking too much. It's like that idea that there's always someone in each class who just keeps going on and on and won't let the class progress because the world will cease to exist if they don't get every little thought out of their heads. I feel like I border on being that person, even though I try only to contribute to what's actually being said, and I try to make sure there's absolutely no one else who wants to say anything before I raise my hand at all. I'm not that bad of a public speaker- I don't get twitchy or sweaty, and I've never been prone to fainting or even getting a bit light-headed. Being in front of a group of people makes me uncomfortable, but I'm usually okay about it- I've always kind of thought being in grade 10 drama class was the height of any public embarrassment I'll ever experience, so why get upset about sharing an actual opinion or reading off a piece of paper at the front of a room? It can't be any worse than improv-ing something so awkwardly even the teacher feels bad for making you go on stage. I honestly think people who do stand-up are some of the bravest people in existence. I've got a friend who started doing it recently, and he's brilliant at it- I'd love to have that kind of stage presence. Somehow I always end up feeling bad for saying anything. Although I've heard that might be why comedians are so good at their jobs- because they already know how much everything sucks, and they give up on silly things like feeling bad about it. That's a frigging awesome way to look at everything. But I still hate saying things in class. I'm too suspicious of everyone in the room to trust they're not willing me to shut up silently, and I'm too insecure to not care about it at all. Apparently my head is still in grade 5.
