BACK FROM THE DEAD. I work at a fruit stand now. Go me.

I know. I wanted to blog at least a few times a week, but apparently I suck at regularity. My “time of the month” is whenever God wants to fuck up my workout schedule. Just for funsies I cramped up for an extra week this month. It was awesome. Those “Turbofire” workouts are so much better when you can’t lift your legs without spraining your ovaries.

Anyhoo.

Am cold. I work at a fruit stand. It’s not completely outside, but it’s missing a wall and has a massive walk-in cooler that takes up a full quarter of the store. Awesome in the summer. Kind of like living next door to Antarctica in the Fall. I’m pretty happy there is basically no fruit left besides apples, pears, squashy tomatoes and pumpkins- there’s nothing left in the cooler to go hunt for. I’m starting to enjoy that crushed look people get when I get to tell them their entire day is ruined because “I’m sorry, we don’t have any plums left.” THEY’VE TURNED LEFT FOR NOTHING! THIS FRUIT STAND IS A LIE!

Oh, by the way. We don’t have any plums left because I ate them all. You can have an apple, though. Mmmm. Hollow substitutes are delicious.

...

P.S. Also, I think I have pink-eye. Or eye cancer. Jesus Christ, this is a fun day. I’M DYING OF SOMETHING STUPID.

Nobody laugh at me.